Getting things done in Abu Dhabi, UAE

Some may think that I set out to lampoon businesses here on this desert island of Abu Dhabi.

I can assure you that I don’t, it’s just that most of the time they appear to TRY to get poked at.
I have always said, if you want good press, give good service, or at least start by delivering 10% of what you offer, then work your way up from there.

The source of my ire?

UAE companies that have a website, WITH a ‘contact us’ component that offers electronic contact via email. Email that is obviously being directed to mail server which if were to be sketched as a real life postbox would look like it were overstuffed, unattended and had its messages being blown down the street in the breeze.

No wait, having messages blowing down the street implies that at some point someone would pick them up. Sure that someone might be the wrong person, but at least in that instance a human interaction might be made with the fruits of ones “email-query” loins.

First in line:

A company that sells 4x4's with (cryptic clue here) Just Enough Essential Parts.

We of the Bayt Al Abudhabilist were recently fortunate enough to pick up a 4wd - cheap.
Obviously there are a few odds and ends to do to improve it’s existence, but those odds and ends are reflected by the initial low cost of purchasing the thing.

To the manufacturers website I go. Well, via Google I found the local site. It had a phone number and an address but best of all it had a section that allowed me to contact the parts department direct with my list of demands.

These weren’t great demands, but ones that I wanted met..

Did they stock oil filters?
I might need headlights
And a fan belt
And a viscous fan clutch coupling (don't ask, just know that it's an important doo-dad)

Not a big list of not uncommon parts I’ve since found out.

No response was forthcoming, but then I guess it might be that I am impatient, seven days isn’t that long… it’s only a week after all. Even though I didn’t want to appear too pushy, after 14 days I sent them another one.

And waited for another week.

Then I grabbed the toll free number from the website and phoned. Twice. Neither time was my call answered as I sat grinding my teeth in frustration.

Was there another number to call? Well yes of course there was, but that is entirely beside the point. Why OFFER a toll free number if it’s not going to be answered? Similarly - why have a space on the web page where prospective clients can lodge their request if there is absolutely no intent to respond?

I resolved the issue not by calling, but by leaping in the mighty truckster and taking the scenic drive off the island to the industrial area where the service and parts HQ was situated. More expensive than a phone call, sure, but I was working on principle now.

I swaggered in and was met by a smiling face at the reception who directed me to the parts department, (10 metres away and to her left), of course I should have picked it out myself if I had have bothered to look, given that it had a sign in 6 foot letters denoting it as the place for all things part-ish. I blame the receptionist for my dunderheadedness, smiling and being friendly and asking how she could help - clearly I must have looked lost, and she was obviously far too good at her job.

Sitting at each of the 3 desks was a parts guy. I sat down in front of the one waving most frantically and asked him about the viscous fan thingy. At least I think he was waving, and to be fair the others were speaking loudly into their phones and so didn’t get their hips into the arm flailing.

Yes he had one, yes he could get it for me and yes it was 3 times the price I had been lead to believe it was going to be. Unfortunately the fan thingy is an important ummm.. thing so I had to get it or risk the big V8 exploding, or simply melting into the road. When he returned with my disconcertingly small box for such an important thing, I asked him regarding the phone internet drama I had experienced.

Either he didn’t understand the question in the 4 different ways I put it to him, I wasn’t explaining myself well enough, there WAS no email/toll free service, or all of a sudden we had a language barrier rendering the terms :

"Email doesn't work" and "Phone not answered" entirely incomprehensible.

I suspect that the email thing has never worked, but surely - and I am aware that I am utilising ‘free and innovative thought’ here - something like the road-to-nowhere email does nothing to strengthen a business relationship?

Solution.

Easy.

Take the link off the page.

OR

(This is directed at the company by JEEPers, but come along for the ride) - Hire me to keep an eye on the parts/service department emails. I don’t need an office, I can do it from here, and I’m never far from a computer. Perfect I would have thought - it would take me 5 minutes a day to service.

And I’m cheap.

Of course this arangement is unlikely to happen - except in the service utopia that exists only in my head - because the first rule of customer service here is a simple one -

“Do not help a captive audience”

The interpretation of the rule is this:

Don’t fix the email thingy, because they’ll call.

Don’t fix the toll free thingy because when it doesn’t work they’ll use the pay number.

Charge them what you like, It’s not like they can go anywhere else”

I left the showroom and walked back to the car, glad at least that my look of shock, light sweating and grasping at my chest seemed to get the price down a little for the small box of steel and thermostat I was currently nursing in my arms.

Must try that when ordering coffee, only the grasping will be an indication of the affect the beverage might be having on my oesophagus…

…I’ll let you know how it goes if I decide to deploy such tactics for caffeine

Dubai based UAE blogger, Moryarti from the Dubai Consumer Mirror had an interesting conversation with a sales clerk at a Co-op, an excellent little snapshot of promotional techniques that are fundamentally broken, but seem to continue as a means of shifting product - primarily I suspect because they work.

At least I hope that's why they persist, SOMEONE has to be running the figures... don't they?

Please go read it... I'll wait here - won't take you long. (It will also help you make sense of this small rant)

Read it?

Right, buckle up.

You see, this is just another example my pure enjoyment of this large sandy land that is my temporary home.

In the west we have become wise to the concept of there being no such thing as a free lunch, and whatever product that has been picked up for a steal - from cars to chocolate bars - the piper will ultimately have to be paid.

It is not in a company's best interest to simply give their stock away - unless it is defective and they were going to burn it, bury it or sell it at cost to e-bay drop shippers.

Deep down we know it - and so to combat our self empowered consumer savvy, western marketing companies resort to massive marketing campaigns and exclusion based display techniques, amongst other things. All to distract the consumer with bright shiny baubles and flashing lights; for while distracted, the poor sap who is being parted their hard earned won't wake up to the trickery until the wrapping paper is gone.

...or they are being stung for taxes at the departure gate.
...or hounded by the accessories rep at the car dealership.
...or the cash-back offer comes back in the post, at the same time the spam brokers are receiving their details in THEIR mail-box. Details that got sold because to get the money the punter had to sign a waiver, the companies then on-sell the details for MORE than the cash back value - genius (if, in spirit, somewhat dishonest)

The list goes on.

What I LOVE about the conversation that Moryarti had is the complete lack of subterfuge. Whether by design, or whether the shelf loaders are just so hell-bent on getting the job done and are not encouraged to have free thought, I don't know.

It's not as if the Moryarti had to move to another isle to make the comparison either - because the comparison is usually within a couple of shelf spaces. Full disclosure, all aspects of the equation right there in front of him. Mr "M" just needed to do the calculation is all, and avoid staring at the Medusa that is the "BONUS" sticker.

That said - I now treat it like a sport and LOVE it when I get had. Seriously. I often find myself realising the folly of my choice, loudly proclaiming to the printing on the heat sensitive receipt: "Hah.. you really got me there... ha HA, next time super-market-bonus-people - you won't be so lucky...mwahahahahaahaha *cough* hahaahahaha"

I am the primary shopper of the Bayt Al Abudhabilists, although my preferred position description is:
Stock inventory controller(perishables, liquids and dry goods),
Waste Management Technician,
Street cat tamer (3rd class)
Ranting quality controller (coffee product)
Middle Eastern Branch

Whatever my trumped up title, I should know better, or at least given the proceeding couple of paragraphs I at least sound like I should.

Right now in the Abudhabilist HQ is a tower of soap bars you couldn't jump over. Well, okay you could jump over them, but in comparison to the regular soap bar usage vs storage equation - 12 bars is alot o' soap.

Yes.

12.

Why?

Because it said BONUS on the wrapper. Thus turning my thought process to stone.

I even stared blankly at the single bars that come in 2 sizes and then 2 price points.. and although I had the sneaking suspicion that I was about to be ... ummm... taken advantage of, I still found myself reaching for the cleverly taped up tower o' soap in all of its neutral perfumed lathery goodness.

Once home in the sanctity of ADist HQ I looked at the receipt.. I also looked at another reciept that was still in the bottom of the reusable bag.

An older receipt showing that the last time this recyclable bag had been trotted out it was used to ferry home, along with some other stuff, a single bar of soap.

I made a cup of tea from a box of teabags I purchased months ago that, given my limited tea intake should last me to Christmas 2012.

I did the calculations.

Then did them again.

Then began laughing.

For the same money - instead of buying 12 soaps jauntily taped together, I could have been the proud owner of 15 "free range" bars.

The taping did make for convenient loading and unloading though. That's gotta be worth something... right?

Finally -
Whatever the poorly executed bonus package (my wife has soooo many bonus lip balms from her moisturiser she could open her own shop), I find it hysterical that even though all the information is right there in front of the consumer - the bonus-but-crap-economic-deal shelf will be the first to empty.

Every time.

It's probably a good job that I have nothing to do with super market promotions, I'd have too much fun.

Now, if you'll excuse me. I have some shopping to do.