Getting things done in Abu Dhabi, UAE

Right, given that the last post was sooo well received (there’s only a hint of sarcasm in that comment, the email was divided between me being bias - both for and against) AND because I dearly want this place to succeed, as becoming a full time tea drinker is becoming more and more a reality, I decided to head back to Jones the Grocer. This time opting for a time that was away from the crazy lunch hour fest that was on during the last visit.

As my mate Line was talking to me again (we had some tense times due to my assertions in previous posts that she is, at heart, a great big liar), and was herself significantly under-whelmed by the coffee in Abu Dhabi, we agreed on a time to grab a beverage (and maybe a cake).

Then Line cancelled.

SO, we arranged a new time - which she managed to not cancel and I picked her up at the standard spot.

Line got in the truckster, said “Hello” then backed up with:

“You DO know where we are going, don’t you?” Smirking as she secured her seat belt.

“That’s how it’s going to be is it?”

“What?” said Line, affecting a look of innocence.

Now to say that we did in fact get lost on the way to Jones would be an over statement. To say that some incorrect turns were taken may be a little closer to the truth. In defence though, I knew where it was, and how to get there - from MY apartment. Not Line’s.

I’d also like to point out at this juncture that while less than perfect directional choices MAY have been made, each resulting street was still familiar, thus creating a more scenic path to our afternoon’s activity.

In only slightly longer time than was originally expected we arrived, and I managed to maintain my 2 from 2 ‘rock-star’ parking record.

For those not in the know, to park like a rock star one must drive to one’s destination, and without having to wait for someone to leave, park immediately out front of said establishment. Thus far, 2 visits, and with a combined walking distance of less than 30 metres from car to front door, I’m strutting to the tune of Stayin’ Alive just thinking about it.

On the inside:

Fair to say that I was a little scathing in the previous post about this great establishment. Not without reason I might add. The solution for those wishing to miss all the havoc (as funny as it was) is to simply go later in the afternoon.

Line and I strolled in to a much quieter café than on the last trip. Strangely though we elected to sit in at the very same table that my hardworking wife and I sat at… perhaps subconsciously drawn to the same table to make sure that all the variables could be accounted for by making the experience as similar as possible.

OR - perhaps it’s just because Line unknowingly suggested we sit at that table, and I couldn’t find a reason not to.

The service (due to lack of customer numbers I suspect) was great. Fast, efficient, friendly (not that they weren’t friendly before… they just lacked the flustered ‘chasing tail’ look this time).

The coffee however was superb. Extraordinarily good. So were the cakes that arrived at just the right time.

I decided to throw caution to the wind and order what has been even more elusive than a latte here in this pile o’ sand.

A macchiato.

To refresh your memories as to how wrong a coffee shop can get a macchiato here - feel free to go to the contents page (over there in the categories list) and select ‘Idioms’ from the section marked ‘The coffee project’ - or don‘t, it‘s your dime…

…I ordered then distractedly went on with the conversation, I think we had moved on to the topic of cheese, or Norwegian moonshine, while waiting for my macchiato.

It arrived, again in good time.

I rarely say this about coffee anywhere BUT - it was perfect, well nearly - but any criticism that I could level would only be appreciated by the true geeks among you (for those really interested in the level of my coffee/macchiato affliction who may have similar interests themselves, I’m simply going to say ‘foam’ and ‘a weeny bit too much’). For those who have lives and more interesting things to consider like, well, ANYTHING else, please strike the information in parenthesis from the record.

With me savouring the first real macchiato I have had in a long time, Line spied bottles of water in the large display cabinet behind me, and was immediately up and on her way over to inspect. Turns out that it’s Norwegian water - (Line is from Norway) .

I began to wax lyrical about the connection to her homeland via the fluid in bottles stacked 4 deep on a shelf in an Abu Dhabi coffee shop, and how nice it must be etc.

She indulged me as I banged on about distance, and hands of her kin folk etc.

Once she figured I had got it out of my system, she said,

“Yes, very nice. It’s actually made by hill billies you know”.

Then went on in a manner that I took to mean that it’s a good thing they do, because if the folk living in the region this stuff was coming from weren’t bottling water, they wouldn’t have much else to do, (bar chowing down on whale of course).

Product of a hillbilly or not, she still grabbed 2 large bottles of the stuff to take with her after we had done our lap of the shelves…

What I haven’t mentioned thus far is that JtG ain’t just a coffee/breaky/lunch spot. It sells all manner of stuff - homemade ice-cream, nougat, coffee machines, preserves, and a whole bunch of other gear, worth a visit just for that.

What is also worth visiting is the cheese room.

Yes.

ROOM.

Line and I went and inspected the room o’ cheese during our walk of the perimeter, and were met inside it’s refrigerated wonderment by someone I am just going to have to call ‘The Cheese Guy‘. This guardian of the cheese safe proceeded to make a couple of jokes about cheese, asked us where we were from and was just generally funny - a nice change to the stern/forced politeness of other venues - not that any other venues have a cheese room of course, but maybe it was the spores from the blue cheese that helped make him so happy. Maybe we looked like 6 foot Wookies and he was passing the time in order to stop himself from freaking out… whatever the case, it was good, and the selection is ace.

Nothing else to say, other than I hope that Jones the Grocer Abu Dhabi is able to rock that sort of service, or at least similar during the busy times.

The quality of the product though is 1st class.

Give it a try, and order a macchiato - it’s great.

Look I know it has taken me a while to get the final installment in but I've been doing a bit of writing/commenting on other sites, and I think that has been dicking with my natural daily word limit.

Well... that.. and my wonderful spouse insisting that we go to Cyprus for a break AND then insisting that I organise the accommodation for our forthcoming Europe extravaganza has meant that for the first time in a long while I was forced into doing something that approximated work.

Onward:

I picked up the phone to my buddy Line who, although having demonstrated her propensity to LIE (there.. I said it again) by misleading me into thinking she knew the location of Zyara (see posts Listed in "The Coffee Project") I had decided to give the opportunity to clear her good name.

"Are you SURE you know where Idioms is" I enquired

"Of course I know where Idioms is" replied Line - a little huffily.

"Yes.. but you said that about Zyara and..."

"Yes - but we got there didn't we?"

This wasn't going well.

"Yeeees" I said, torn between the concepts of throwing water or fuel at a smouldering fire; "But that was because I found it" (fuel concept won)

"You did NOT!" - a not entirely unfair assertion

"Well, I did - my blog says so - so it must be true" I offered, utilising the weak, but often utilised 'Popular belief' card.

"Look, do you want a coffee partner or not?" I suspect that this was asked through clenched teeth.

"Are you SURE you know where Idioms is?" (couldn't help myself).

"YES I KNOW WHERE IDIOMS IS" she barked.

"Okay, Okay.. I'll pick you up in 20 minutes...sheesh"

I hung up, grinning, and jumped into the Volksy and piloted it to the bus stop where Line was waiting.

She got in and gave me the 'One word about Zyara and I'll poke you in the eye' look, so I immediately enquired as to whether or not we would make it there by closing time - given that she was directing.

Some more banter followed that indicated that this time Line did indeed know the way, as it was around the corner from a nail boutique that she had been to.

My interest in nail technology was met with a sigh and an explanation that the nails in question were those on the ends of her fingers and that it wasn't some emporium of steel spikes.

To be truthful I was relieved - although I had briefly hoped that there was indeed a place. A place that stocked all manner of hammers and tacks and white gold door jam tacks and Louis Vuitton tool belts and...and - oooh the possibilities.

Then it occurred to me that if there was such a shop there would be a high probability that just around the corner would be a guy offering to take you to his friend's shop where you could buy exactly the same stuff for a 10th of the price. The guy would grab me by the elbow as he lead me into an apartment building while announcing - "Comes from same factory - best price".

I'd have to go and look - only to walk out 15 minutes later with gold painted roofing nails in one hand, a Rulex hammer in the other and a Lois Vutton nail bag velcro-ed to my waist.

errr...

The coffee review...?

Yes, I was getting to that.

We found the the place in relatively short order - partly because of Line's vague directions but mostly because of my expert driving, nonetheless we parked and wandered toward what I hoped to be the saving grace of the Abu Dhabi Week top 5.

AD Week describes this place as "Quite hip - especially for light bites and early evening eats" and I tend to agree. We arrived in the early afternoon, and the place is fine BUT it's colour scheme and decor do lend itself to a more night time venue.

Let's face it though: I'd drink coffee in a tin shed painted in yellow and turquoise stripes if there was a guarantee that the brew was going to be good.

Again we ordered food (this seems to only happen when I drag coffee conspirators along on my quests).

I had a chicken ceasar, which was fine - Line had a club sandwich, also fine.

I know.. I know...the coffee.

I ordered a latte. It arrived. I drank it.

While I don't remember being too enthusiastic about it - it was good enough by AD standards, but angels didn't sing when I pressed the cup to my lips... nor did cherubs whisk away my sugar wrapper. The conversation on the other hand WAS good.

So I ordered another - this time my absolute coffee preference - a macchiato.

For those who are unaware (this includes whoever made the beverage that ultimately arrived) a macchiato is simply a shot of espresso with a stain of milk in it (often served in a clear glass, but overall this is unimportant). SOMETIMES a half teaspoon of milk foam might be added.

What a macchiato is NOT is a mini latte/cappuccino hybrid with butterscotch sauce drizzled on it.

NOT.

"NOT" I say again.

It was my own fault.. I had let progressive and engaging discussion get in the way of the project, I had added another variable that was never considered in the planning stage.

I drank it though, and restrained myself from boring poor Line (who at this stage was laughing at the face I was pulling) with the vagaries of coffee making.

It was quite tasty in a dessert kinda way - but it wasn't a macchiato.

Not even close.
Not even in the macchiato ballpark.
Not even in the town that the macchiato ballpark might be situated in.
Not even sitting in the boarding lounge of an airline that might be flying over an ocean to a town NEAR the macchiato ballpark.

To wrap this long and winding coffee journey up:

The latte was okay. The top end of okay, bit with a side order of "Meh."

Macchiato? Fail.

Thus concluding the critique of Abu Dhabi Week's Five best coffee shops.

But it's not over for the search.

My involvement with an online forum here AND as a result of a stack of suggestions sent in by readers of this rambling beast that is abudhabilist.com has meant I have a heap of coffee shops to sneak in to, and I will... after I get some other more pressing additions added to the blog.

One of these pressing additions includes the reveal of the worst coffee I have EVER put in my mouth - not sure I can name it outright for fear of retribution - but I can describe the coffee... or coffee named substance.

Stay tuned.

Final result of the top 5 coffee shops as listed by Abu Dhabi Week:

• ADNOC - ('big cups crisis' over)
• Zyara,
  Cafe De La Paix "Marina Mall",
  Idioms
• The One
• Le Brioche "Marina Mall"
• Starbucks
• Anything else, including but not limited to, licking tarmac
• CDR - Worst coffee ever - will post at a later date.